Bittersweet Insanity

thousand misses and more-

2007-03-26T21:33:00.000+08:00

It rained today. For some reason it made me miss a lot of things.

I suddenly remembered my grandfather and our old house in Cebu. I suddenly miss the smell of cigarettes and pomade on my grandpa. I miss how he meticulously cut the grass in the lawn until they all evenly stand out like those old green doormats we used to have.

I miss my mom. I miss how she makes fun of me and how she disturbingly makes me laugh even if I had the shittiest of days.

I miss the beach. I miss my old friends.

I miss writing and I especially miss painting.

I miss my dog Nikki. I remember back when I was a lot younger than today, when everything was just so simple and seeing her wag her tail as I come home from school made me happy.

I miss lazy sunday afternoons with my dad. Doing nothing but listen to the old hits on the radio.

I miss my Aunt Nannette and her eccentric taste in clothes and my Aunt Miriam's banana chips.

I miss cleaning my room so much that I've grown a custom to dust bunnies and hair on my bedroom floor.

I miss my first love. I miss how she kisses my nape and stares blankly across the room whenever we're in a fight.

I miss my nephews hug, my sisters laugh and my brothers cooking. I miss how my kuya amazingly comes up with weird hindu dishes with curry powder and ginger root in a jiffy.

I miss nonsense bisaya conversations with Anya. I miss the old Ynna, the happy Nyx, the way Tina rubs my ear lobe and I really miss looking at my friend Sarah's hand while she lights a cigarette while driving.

I miss hearing my patients 'thank you's and the smiles they give me every time I don't screw up their medications and bed tags.

I miss ate Alma's peach incense and the poor man's doughnuts at Dos Castillas.

I miss my friend Sherryl with her puruntong.

I miss having peanuts and Scrabble with my cousins.

...funny how a little drizzle makes you miss the old days. Being a "grown-up" sucks. I could go on forever missing these things but hey, it stopped raining-

Muntik ko na kainin si Brownie...(A Tribute to Vegetarians like Rome-ee)

2007-02-02T19:41:00.000+08:00

I woke up late that day like I usually do around 12 or 1 in the afternoon, just in time for lunch. Like any other day, I went straight to the fridgeto look for food. Not noticing the food prepared in the dinner table. Wow! Roast beef! It was so mouth watering I immediately grabbed a plate. Unluckily, my dad forgot to leave me some rice and stubborn-ass that I am, I was too lazy to cook rice and setled for bread. So that was it, bread the whole day.

That night my dad got home extra early and I was still in the middle of my "afternoon nap" when he woke me up and invited me to eat my dinner. When I got out of bed, I found my dad eating a plate full of what seemed to me was the left over roast beef from lunch.Yummm... "Ano ulam?" I asked. And without any hesitation my dad quickly said... "Si Brownie!". My face was literaly distorted and I squirmed like a girl. "EEEEEEEWWWW!". Seriously, my dad was eating our dog!! (Sadly, his name really is Brownie-very Pinoy indeed) I never really liked that dog coz he always chews my slippers but still, he was considered a family pet.

I later found out that Brownie ate three of our chickens (yup, we have chickens, dogs etc.) so as a form of "Punishment" (I think) Dad killed him and had him for dinner. I KNOW! If you have seen Brownie long before he was dinner you wouldnt have guessd you could actually cook the poor guy coz he wasn't really that big and beefy. He kinda' reminds of Santa's Little Helper from the Simpsons. (Thus the photo in my blog entry)

So anyway, back to the story.I wish my dad had never told me that we're having our dog for dinner coz honestly I had no problems eating "Dog Meat" (just as long as I dont meet the dog before I eat it)and I was so starving that night, but then again I'm kinda happy that he did tell me... I mean would you eat a burger if you know the cow's gona be it?? Seriously? would you? Shit I can't believe I almost ate Brownie!!!

things grabbed from rome-ee...

2007-02-02T17:41:00.000+08:00

Your Heart Is Blue

Love is a doing word for you. You know it's love when you treat each other well.
You are a giving lover, but you don't give too much. You expect something in return.

Your flirting style: Friendly

Your lucky first date: Lunch at an outdoor cafe

Your dream lover: Is both generous and selfish

What you bring to relationships: Loyalty

What Color Heart Do You Have?

2007-02-02T17:39:00.000+08:00

You Are Sunrise

You enjoy living a slow, fulfilling life. You enjoy living every moment, no matter how ordinary.
You are a person of reflection and meditation. You start and end every day by looking inward.
Caring and giving, you enjoy making people happy. You're often cooking for friends or buying them gifts.
All in all, you know how to love life for what it is - not for how it should be.

What Time Of Day Are You?

2007-02-02T17:36:00.000+08:00

You Should Be a Musician

You have a rare combinations of talents: an ear for music, nimble fingers, and the willpower to practice.
You could master almost any instrument you choose to play (if you haven't already!)

What Sort of Artist Should You Be?

Quotes & Notes: Me and my friend Cathy

2006-11-20T19:46:00.000+08:00

(Me with my "Australian" accent)

Joe: "Elow mate...."
Cathy: Test....
Joe: Huh???
Cathy: Mic Test

*Boink*

Quotes & Notes: Tina Fey of Saturday Night Live

2006-11-04T19:18:00.000+08:00

"... my junk is ruined."

Quotes & Notes: My Shrink

2006-10-10T18:48:00.000+08:00

Quotes & Notes: Rome-ee

2006-10-05T17:43:00.000+08:00

"...whining is the best way to keep us sane."

Quotes & Notes

2006-09-19T17:52:00.000+08:00

"If the Soul continues to suppress its creative insticts, desires, or purposes, and is cutting itself off from what it was supposed to be doing, the outcome might show up as loneliness."

punch drunk

2006-09-05T20:22:00.000+08:00

My dad to my left, wrecklesly driving drunk.

The never ending nothingness ahead of us.

Pitch black of constant lefts and rights...

driving me insane with every sharp curve and swift turn.

My dads friend at the back seat; far more drunk than he is.

The unknown abyss to my right... making me more and more anxious

on how my corpse would look like if ever my dad would miss a turn.

Slaps on his face once, twice, thrice maybe even more...

trying to stay awake and kep up with my sobereity.

Listening to Jimi Hendrix,

I find solace with every chord and road sign.

Thankful for every bump and crack on the road,

giving my dad a chance to slow down

and maybe remember our way home.

We made it through the slopes.

Nothing but the baron road ahead.

Once again death overlooked my tired soul.

Giving me another day of bittersweet insanity.

11:47 pm 09-03-2006

whore-shmore

2006-08-06T19:18:00.000+08:00

I just saw my dad with another woman. I can't really explain how I felt the moment I saw them, but for a second there, I felt like I was dumb-struck by the whole situation. It was so weird because that wasn't the first time I saw my dad with his whore but I guess it felt strange that it was with a different woman.

It was a typical day. I woke up extra early to take my final test (hopefully) at my sucky school . Went home early and just watched T.V. the entire afternoon. My dad came in around 10 and drunk again as usual. I was pretty jaded when he got home. Knowing that he'll definately nag for hours, I just casually ignored him and just watched SNL. And then a weird thing happened... he said he's going out again to get a drink with his friends. Like, "Hello!, you can barely stand up straight, how do you expect to drive?" (As if I cared. Go ahead! drive you baboon). Due to the unusual quirk in the Philippine No Drinking and Driving Code, there are no cops to arrest you or give you a ticket for drunk driving. So then he went out and got in his car. Unknowingly, I followed my dad outside coz I was starving and was terribly craving for a hotdog at the local convenient shop. "Pa!" I yelled. So he stopped. I stooped down to ask him for some money and then... BAM! I saw this girl in his passenger seat. Pretending i saw nothing I took the money he gave me and was gone way before you could even say go. Waiting for a ride, questions quickly filled my brain. What does he take me for? I'm not that dumb. I'm not 7, I know that that was his whore. I didn't sleep that night. Pretty much used to the whole situation that I almost forgot how it felt to be so angry with my dad. I was just so tired of everything happening around me.

The next day I woke up early and went to school to attend a review with my friend Jureane. Went to church afterwards and ironically, the priest was talking about how people always complain and question God why things are not going the way they want them to be. Kinda' like me. Hooked on the preist's talk, he then told the story about a man who went to church and prayed to God asking Him why his life is so full of trials and burdens. God then answered; "I gave you mountains and hills to climb for you to have a better view of life." That wasn't the first time I heard that verse but suddenly it came very clear to me. For the first time I finally understood what that meant and for once I felt that God was talking to me and was really listening to my rants.

A good friend once told me, "learn how to count your blessings instead of counting your mishaps." I can't say that I've fully learned to count my blessings but slowly I'm trying. I don't have all the answers to my questions. I can't change who I am or trade my dad for a better one. Life's tough. Shit happens. Whore-Shmore I don't really give a f*ck. I'm just a disturbed kid trying to count everything in between.

video of the day

2006-08-03T09:30:00.000+08:00

crap from the street: 12 years of cHacHing. an update.

2006-07-28T20:29:00.000+08:00

I love health science; Ynna hates it.

Tina loves numbers and equations; I hate it.

Sare-ee loves to cook; I can only cook rice

(Ynna has a can opener).

Ynna's passionate about philosophy and the arts;

I can hardly keep up with her stories.

Nyx' loves to act; the rest of us can't.

There are so many things we don't agree on and yet 12 minutes together is so not enough.

star-crossed lovers

2006-07-28T20:08:00.000+08:00

looking at the mirror,

my biggest critique starring at me.

two lost souls taking each others ego;

their being of nothingness.

the fullness of their hearts

comes in equal measure

with the emptiness of my soul.

all that remains is envy inside me.

as I see their gentle strokes

and their flamboyant whispers,

hope sneaks up on me

insisting that my shoe will someday fit.

09.19.04

4:45 am

crap from the street

2006-07-25T23:15:00.000+08:00

my doctor prescibed a different pill

2006-07-13T21:19:00.000+08:00

I'm not going to tell you what this is but it sure is worth it.

crap from the street: shilohpitt

2006-07-13T21:04:00.000+08:00

Brad and Angelina had their baby...ITS A GIRL!.....and secretly, I hope it looks like an ogre.

crap from the street

2006-07-12T16:40:00.000+08:00

"it grows like a fuggin fungus. I hated it two days ago and now i can't turn it off...damn you justin timberlake! "

rain, rain go away. come again on a day when I don't have to go out.

2006-07-12T16:01:00.001+08:00

Yesterday for some odd reason, my dad wanted me to go do the grocery shopping for this month. It really was so weird because for the past, I don't know... 6 months, he always wanted my sister-in-law to do the grocery shopping; who by the way didn't know the difference between chicken and beef ramen and only shopped for things she needed. Which obviously pissed the crap out of me. Everytime she came back from the grocery store, I don't really know why the hell won't she buy things useful for "us" human beings like toothpaste for crying out loud. She constantly bought things like chips and crackers that she instantly devour in no less than 5 minutes when she's so-called "reviewing" her med. notes.

So and then back to my lame grocery story. My dad caught me by surprise when he suddenly said that he'll go do the grocery shopping with me (bomb drops on my head). I was like "Whut the f*ck?!? Why? why? what do you want? I didn't do it, I swear I'm innocent..." The self-monologue continued in my head for like a couple of blocks while we were on our way to the mall. Was he serious? It was so weird. Why is he being so nice? He's so weird. I suddenly realized I had to tape our conversation for evidence if ever my dad goes berserk and decides to shoot me in the head and drop my body in an empty lot by the river (...and roll camera!). I had him figured out, this was just a plot to screw my head and play devils advocate again. I had to do something (play dead joe, play dead.) Rats!!! So, there we were, father and son doing the grocery shopping. It was really weird. I keep on saying it was weird huh? Trust me, it was beyond weird, E.T. landing on earth would have seem normal compared to our situation that day.

After our so awkward day of shopping, which by the way I was deeply traumatized, I was suppose to go to my friend cathy's party. Unfortunately, the weather won't let me go to her house coz it won't stop raining. Argh! So there, that was that. I'm not making any sense so i'll stop here. Hey I know what might cheer me up... good 'ol rainbow connection song. Yipee!!!

I am my father's son (reposted)

2006-07-08T23:20:00.000+08:00

So I've been told,

I am my father's son.

His nose, his ears, his walk, his smile.

I am my father's son.

He kept me for twenty two years,

Years that I've dodged the bullets of his gun.

Run, run, run another mile.

For I am my father's son.

I never said I wanted any pot of gold;

I would rather have the rays of the sun.

Not his but my nose, my ears and my bile.

I know, I am my father's son.

Days passed sheding tears for fears,

Trying to trade all of my profanities for fun.

Stabbed my heart three times with a nail file;

It didn't work. Somebody shoot me now, I'm done.

Quotes & Notes: thirstyacorns on Dilana of RockstarSupernova

2006-07-08T23:10:00.000+08:00

"Kurt Cobain was not a God. Calm down. To sing his song, even badly, is not blasphemy."

See for yourself. I think she did a great job. Creepy yet awesome performance. Click here

video of the day: supermassive black hole

2006-07-07T01:22:00.000+08:00

my current "it" song for july.

Quotes & Notes: My Evil Pal Jureane at Diosdado Macapagal Airport

2006-07-05T20:23:00.000+08:00

"the grass looks familiar."

video of the day: first day of my life

2006-07-04T20:11:00.000+08:00

He's so all over the place!

2006-07-02T19:28:00.000+08:00

Crap, Manny Pacquiao won. Tsk, tsk, tsk. Larios you twerp! I was rooting for you you jackass! It will only be a matter of weeks (days even) until Pacman will be the new endorser of Carefree panty-liners. Soon Sharon and KC would have to make way for the new spokesperson of pH Care (you gussed it, Pacquiao).

I am my Father's Son

2006-07-01T18:54:00.000+08:00

So I've been told,

I am my father's son.

His nose, his ears, his walk, his smile.

I am my father's son.

He kept me for twenty two years,

Years that I've dodged the bullets of his gun.

Run, run, run another mile.

For I am my father's son.

I never said I wanted any pot of gold;

I would rather have the rays of the sun.

Not his but my nose, my ears and my bile.

I know, I am my father's son.

Days passed sheding tears for fears,

Trying to trade all of my profanities for fun.

Stabbed my heart three times with a nail file;

It didn't work. Somebody shoot me now, I'm done.

video of the day: Sylvia Plath

2006-06-24T19:52:00.000+08:00

big things come in SMALL packages

2006-06-16T18:19:00.000+08:00

I was on my way home from a very tiring day when a fucking midget who resembled President Arroyo's facial mole sat beside me at the jeep. No, he wasn't a boy. He literally was freakishly tiny.

I took a seat at the front since we all know that what lies beyond south of the jeepney driver is technically a "non-smoking" area. So there I was minding my own business, enjoying every inch of my lung burning carcinogen in order to ease my tired limbs when all of a sudden the driver points at what I think was suppose to be a bumper sticker that says "No Smoking!". Great! Just what I needed. A nosy driver. I'm tired as hell and I stink like cat poo and the last thing i needed was a nosy driver that tells me that his jeep was smoke free. Hello! We're in the Philippines!!! plus we were outside for crying out loud. If he wanted to be smoke free then why not go to, I don't know, Alaska?!? To top this off, as I was saying in the begining, the hobbit next to me couldnt spread his legs any wider. Like, crap! how much "package" can a small guy have? right? Like he was basically four feet tall. Maybe even shorter. No exagerations! Zeriously! He was freakin' small! I know I'm not that tall but at least I don't spread my legs that wide when I'm in a public vehicle.

So there I was, looking constipated from the pathetic excuse of space I had. I threw away my cigarette after the second warning by the driver and suffered the whole 15 minute ride home not smoking and putting my legs together just to make room for the hobbits "Package". He was really pissing me off. I was casually pushing his legs away from mine to make room for my pack. I have a package too you know. But the harder I pushed, the more annoying he became. By the time we've reached the junction where I was suppose to get off he was still bugging me. Before I got off he was head bagging to Michael Bolton's hit "I said I love you but i lied". Man, talk about being a loser. Walking home from my stop made me think. Do big things really come from small packages?... Nah!

I think I've found my new favorite song...

2006-06-11T20:25:00.000+08:00

"Almusal" by Randy Santiago

Me Likey

2006-06-04T15:53:00.000+08:00

I like it how you're always three hours late,
I like it how you're sometimes on time.
I like it how I always piss you off,
and I especially like it whenever you roll your eyeballs
everytime you're mad.

I like it how you always read your chemistry books.
I like it how you try to ignore me while reading.
I like it that you're such an actor,
and I really like it how you always say I'm dumber than you
even if we both know I'm not.

I like it when we go to the beach.
Worst, I like it when we don't.
I like it that we've known each other for twelve years,
and I surprisingly like it that we've only been
together for 3 days.

I like it how obsessed we sometimes get with each others company.
and I like it that you like me back.
Pretty or not I know you like me-

S.S.S. (Shit my Skin Sucks!)

2006-05-26T17:46:00.001+08:00

I just got back from my doctors apointment and she said that most probably i'll have my skin asthma for the rest of my life. Talk about being a downer. As much as I wanted to hate my dermatologist for saying that, she's the only one I know who can make those amazing cream thingies that makes my skin asthmas itchyness go away. Plus, F.Y.I. my dermatologists a M.I.L.F.( Man, I Love to Fuck) kinda doctor. Every penny of those God Damn P525 cream tubes and P40/antihistamine tablet is so worth it. I Know!!! What a rip off! Well anyway, to ease my anxiety concerning my shitty skin I decided to watch some clips from Grey's Anatomy and stumbled on this MadTV Parody on Grey's Anatomy. Laughed my ass off.

So basically that's it. I had a shitty day with shitty skin. I know, Shit Happens.

No BRB's

2006-05-20T18:26:00.000+08:00

A few days ago I caught my ex on line so I decided to IM her. Pathetic as it seem but what the hell.

BUZZ! A few hi's and hello's led to a three hour long conversation. Crap, I wish I have enough credits on my net card to last me the the whole night. She was doing her term paper due in a couple of weeks and I was just blog hopping. We got to talking and she told me how she wanted to continue studying after she graduate and maybe teach kids after. How I miss her. Even in cyberspace she managed to make me smile. Eew! Did I just say cyberspace!? Well anyway, I laughed my ass of when she told me how she found out she was diabetic and so on. Eventually the conversation ended and she left me hanging. Again. We ended at Haha's and Hehe's and that was it. She signed out. Did she ran out of net hours? Maybe she fell asleep?. Maybe I bored her to death and decided to sign out without saying goodbye or i'll see you around even. What was I thinking?! I shouldn't have IM'd her in the first place. I hate myself.

After a few nerve wrecking minutes of waiting for her to sign back in I decided to log out myself. That was that. Does she still hate me? Aargh! I hate this. Everytime I see her or talk to her, she manages to fill my brain with thoughts that could easily drive a man insane. Why? Why? Why? Why can't I just erase her from my mind. How I wish the movie Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind was true. If it was, sign me up coz I definately want her out of my brain and out of my life. If only life was so simple.

I guess you never really could erase someone from your past. Shake her off your system and move on to your same old boring, miserable, cold, dull, meaningless existence. Could I sound any more of a loser?Anyway, I have this friend who also had a bad break up with her boyfriend. He was her first boyfriend too and her first love. Yes, you've guessed it she's still not "over" over him. She said she was but then again, Not! Kinda like me. I thought I was for like the Nth time but then again, Not! Don't get me wrong, she wasn't my first girlfriend, but she was my first love. My first real, serious, "I want you so badly" girlfriend. I had countless of firsts with her and how I wanted her to be the last. Crap! can somebody please shoot me in the head right now! I thought it was a smart move to mislead your attention and focus on my friends love life but way to go Joe, back to where you started. I'm such a wuss.

It's been four days now and needless to say she's out of my life again. I've realized that no matter what I try to do or what I try to think might happen in the near future, she will always and I mean ALWAYS find a way to sneak up on me. Haunt my thoughts for all of eternity. My first. She will always be my first.

If anybody I know is reading this right now, try not to comment. You wise ass son of a b#*ch, sick mother f*ck$R (beep) (beep) (beep)..... Jerk.

Fun Filled Summer with cHacHing!

2006-05-09T15:57:00.000+08:00

-me and nyx-

(Tondaligan 04.26.06)

-ynna and i-

(Bangus Fest 04.30.06)

-me and sare-ee-

(Lingayen Gulf 05.08.06)

Numb

2006-04-11T19:08:00.000+08:00

My dad came in late last night drunk again as usual. We had another fight for reasons I can't even remember. I think that is the end result of constant nagging, you tend to forget why you ever fought in the first place and suddenly you turn numb from all the hurtful words the other person has inflicted you.

Numb. Such a short word for somthing so deep.

Bagong salita

2006-04-10T20:06:00.000+08:00

1994.

Naranasan mo na ba na pumasok sa isang silid kung saan lahat ng tao ay nakatitig sa’yo. Ako oo. Ilang beses na at ngayon dahil late ako sa klase.

Unang araw ko noon sa bagong eskwelahan at hanggang ngayon hindi ko pa rin alam kung bakit ako inilipat ng paaralan ng aking mga magulang. Mother Goose Playschool ang pangalan ng paaralan. Baduy man pakinggan, ito ay isa sa pinaka tanyag na paaralan sa buong Dagupan. Late ako noon, hindi ko kasi mahanap ang classroom ko kaya nahuli ako sa klase. KABLAG! Naihampas ko ang bag ko sa klase sa sobrang inis ko sa tatay ko dahil iniwan lang niya ako sa playground noong mga panahon na iyon. Tinginan ang lahat sa akin. Shet! Bagong sal’ta ang yabang na agad ang tingin sa akin ng aking mga kaklase. Minsan ka lang magkaroon ng pagkakataon magbigay ng 1st impression at mayabang pa ang pwede mong ibahagi sa iyong mga kamag-aral. 1st impression nga diba malamang minsan lang talaga iyon mangyari.

Lumipas ang mga araw at hindi naglaon ay nakibagay na rin ako sa aking bagong mundong ginagalawan. Dito ako natuto makisalamuha sa ibat-ibang klase ng tao. Natuto ako magcomute pauwi, maglakwatsa, mag-mura, at mag-kacrush. Sa bago ko kasi na paaralan, ewan ko ba pero uso noon ang pag-mumura at hindi ka "in" kapag wala kang listahan ng mga crush mo. Naalala ko pa noon ang kaunaunahan kong crush… si Myrefe. Cute siya noong mga panahong iyon, ewan na lang ngayon. Ooops! Nakalimutan ko, magkaibigan pa pala kami hanggang sa mga sandaling ito. Tsinita siya. Mahabang buhok, maputi at "petite" ika nga. Hindi ko na rin maalala kung bakit hanggang doon na lang kami. "Crush-crushan". Ganoon naman yata talaga kapag bata ka, hanggang sa paghangga na lang.

Sa tatlong taon ko na inilagi sa paaralang iyon napakarami akong mga ala-ala na hinding hindi ko malilimutan. Masaya kung sa masaya kung bago ang lugar na iyong ginagalawan. Bagong mga mukhang makikita; mga patakaran na ngayon mo lang matutuklasan at mga bagong karanasan magdadala ng panibagong pagtanaw mo sa buhay. Nakakatakot man isipin pero masaya.

Quotes & Notes: Me

2006-03-21T22:15:00.000+08:00

You say I'm great yet you spoil me every chance you get.

Quotes & Notes: Juana Enrile

2006-02-05T03:44:00.000+08:00

I chased a cat on a friday night

but it was a shape shifter.

To my despise, or my delight?

I'm a millimeter away from you.

-juana

Quotes & Notes: Me

2006-01-31T10:27:00.000+08:00

8 more hours of hospital duty;

2 1/2 hours of sleep;

13 unbearable hours of being smoke-free.

Crap! I think I left the rice cooker on-

crap from the street

2005-12-29T04:11:00.000+08:00

so much has happened the past few months
and yet another year is comming.
everyday i'm waking up with her all over my passwords-

crap from the street: spanish inquisitions

2005-09-13T08:50:00.000+08:00

Sonhando na Varanda

crap from the street: bloody blogger

2005-08-13T20:46:00.000+08:00

chronic

Quotes & Notes: ...my good friend Lalaine and I

2005-07-08T14:30:00.000+08:00

"Hanggang Kailan" playing in the background...

Lalaine: Sino kumanta niyan joe?
Me: Orange & Lemons...
Lalaine: Huh? Sino?
Me: Orange & Lemons ...
Lalaine: Damage?!?
*boink*

2005-06-23T15:47:00.000+08:00

Your Birthdate: June 21

Being born on the 21st day of the month (3 energy) is likely to add a good bit of vitality to your life.
The energy of 3 allows you bounce back rapidly from setbacks, physical or mental.
There is a restlessness in your nature, but you seem to be able to portray an easygoing, "couldn't care less" attitude.

You have a natural ability to express yourself in public, and you always make a very good impression.
Good with words, you excel in writing, speaking, and possibly singing.
You are energetic and always a good conversationalist.

You have a keen imagination, but you tend to scatter your energies and become involved with too may superficial matters.
Your mind is practical and rational despite this tendency to jump about.
You are affectionate and loving, but very sensitive.
You are subject to rapid ups and downs.

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Quotes & Notes: My Aunt May

2005-05-23T13:20:00.000+08:00

"Living a simple life doesn't mean poverty"

ONE...TWO...THREE Beautiful things and counting

2005-05-04T18:21:00.000+08:00

1. hell ride from Dagupan to Bolinao
2. adventure in finding a place to sleep
3. meat and shrimps on a stick
4. natural high and alcohol free night
5. sleeping without even noticing it
6. a walk on the coralFull beach
7. finding treasures from the shore... and a pet
8. getting a tan... or not
9. a whale singing and swimming
10. laughing till you drop
11. meat and stale shrimp on a stick for lunch
12. playing with kids who lived in the sea... and a sea monkey
13. stars on a shore
14. a cut from the corals
15. joe planning to take a crap for the third time now...
16. so much for an alcohol free adventure... gin, coke, limes, and a gum...try it! (it's gonna be fun!!!)
17. now a tan... at last
18. my body is aching from the heat of the sun...
19. sar and joe drinking... me typing
20 watermelon shampoo... with a minty feeling
21. sar farting... oh isn't it Sharting sar... sounded like it! hahaha!!
22. joe farting in front of my face! blech! :p
23 joe talking about his poop
24. taking pictures
25. escaping from the real world, or should I say going back to the real world, indeed, this is our reality
26. not attending the batch party again...sorry Star Friends, we planned it ahead of your party, we'll make up to it next time...

to the endless rhyming games... and counting...

the list goes on and on... beautiful things... cheap thrills that keeps us sane, every now and then, a dose of this and you're going to be fine. These are the memories I should hold on to... living the life and having fun...that's the way it should be...

missing Tina and Nyx so much, looking forward to a fun weekend witht the whole cHacHing... stay with me while we grow old and we will live each day in spring time... haha just heard it from the radio... lalalalalalalalalala... dodidododido... ah... I love you guys!

and I'm a mermaid back to her abode... at last!

April 24, 2005 1:26 pm

Wander Boy

2005-04-27T00:31:00.001+08:00

A'last! Our Bolinao trip pushed through. After weeks of planning we finally got what we wanted.

It all started when Sarah, Ynna, "Andrei" and I, had our inuman session at Andrei's and decided to go to Bolinao for the summer. It's was going to be cHacHing's first summer getaway and the line "It will be Fun!" was all over the place. Tina, by the way, was not at the inuman session coz' as usual she was sleeping (sorry tin!). Everything was set, what food to bring, who's car are we using, what time to leave Dagupan and so on.. Sarah and I planned the whole thing, but at the last minute (noh pa nga ba?) Nyx and Tina canceled! Shitmotherfuckerfuckshit!

"kainis, Kawalang gana naman!"

Not only did Nyx and Tina canceled but my dad decided not to let me use the car so, Fuck! Wala na talaga! All is lost. Sarah, being the eternal optimist of the group continued with the grocery list. I on the other hand was still fixing my schedule. My mom was planning to celebrate her birthday in Hundred Islands on the 24th; I have an 8:00 o'clock cholecystectomy in Tayug which by the way was 2 hours away from the city and had no idea when to leave Tayug to arrive just on time to meet Sarah and Ynna; And was thinking of ways on how to diss my friend Jureane about attending our stupid batch party. Crap! Nangpucha sasabog na utak ko! I hate plans.

"Pano na yan?! Ano na?!" I asked Sarah bearing my ever-faithful Bakery Smile.
Her "pised" slash constipated-puzzled look was right in front of me. "Sige lang, Go pa rin!..." she said.

Txt-txt and never ending phone calls. Sarah and I came up with 5 back-up plans:
Plan A. Kulitin ng kulitin si Pa about the car (failed)
Plan B. Ask Tita Ivy if we can rent her van or her beetle. (failed)
Plan C. Ask Ynna if we can use any of their cars. (failed)
Plan D. Take the bus and suffer the whole 2 and a half-hour ride to Bolinao (last resort...g-go pa rin talaga whatever happens)
Plan E. Go to a near by beach para lang hindi wasted ang groceries. (Not an option)
Plan F. Go to La Union instead since Sarah and Ynna already know how to get there. (Yeah right!)
Plan G. There is no plan G. (pampadagdag lang...)

Saturday, I woke up extra early and decided to go to Tayug for my duty. 1 jeepney, 1 tricycle, 1 commuter van and a bus ride later, I arrived in Tayug just in time for the cholecystectomy. After 2 hours... Natapos rin! Shit! It's 12:00 o'clock! I left Tayug around 1:00 P.M. and met up with Ynna and Sarah at a local coffee shop around 4:00. Ynna, being my oh so patient friend, welcomed me with a face saying where the hell have you been-I hate you, anong oras na tayo dadating sa Bolinao look. She forgave me eventually and we took the wonderful Mhel-Bhen Bus to Bolinao. Countless "Are we there yet?!" questions and 6 bus stops later, I knew we we're getting closer to our destination when I heard some kids who got on the bus saying "Kasta-ti... Kasta-da... Kasta-ti-babuy..." which I think was a mixture of Ilocano and Bolinao twang.

"Grabe! how much further?!" Ynna asked as though she was dying of hunger.
"Lapit na.. 15 to 20 minutes na lang..." Sarah said while lighting another yosi.
"Fuck Sar, nagtext si Pa na magulo raw sa beach na pupuntahan natin..Pano yan?!" I prodded.
"Eh di Puerto Del Sol tayo..."

40 minutes later... Bolinao at last! problema was, we had no idea where to go since my dad told me that the beach we were supposed to go to was "delikado"... Right?! So we wondered around the town of Bolinao and asked this local girl who resembled our hired help back when I was in the "Fith" grade if there were any white-sand beaches near by.

"Ah... Miss, white-sand ba sa Puerto Del Sol?" Sarah politely asked.
The girl in turn asked some men who were having their dinner of goto and patis at a bus station...
"Ajai-ti...waja-ti...wakiwaki...Puerto Del Sol?" the girl asked.
A man in a tattered white t-shirt and a toothpick stood up and entertained us...
"Puerto Del Sol?!... kailanagan pa ng reservation yata doon..." he said.
"What the-- Ganun?! Crap!" Ynna said quickly. "Manong, ajai-ti...wakiwaki…yadayadayada…"

Ynna, being an Ilocano negotiated with the man who had a projectile weapon in his mouth and before we knew it we were off with Manong and his trusty tricycle in search of a cheap resort. It was almost 9:00 p.m. when we found our resort. GARDEN PARADISE INN; the sign said. It was OK, the place was cozy and it was a freakin' steal for a 2-person non-airconditioned room which was at a going rate of P900. Since we went to Bolinao to feel the ocean breeze, we thought an air-conditioned room was impractical, plus, we were running low on cash so an ordinary room will do. We went for a swim for like 2 minutes, suffered from hypothermia and decided to have our dinner of liempo and shrimp kebabs in a cute hut resting above three coconut trees. Rhyming games-Rhyming games...we fell asleep after we ran out of words rhyming with 'Putanesca' (Caldereta?!?).

The morning after, we decided to "soak up the sun". At first I was having second thoughts of getting a tan since being fair skinned and living in the Philippines was definitely a status. "Tisoy" ika nga. After two hours of soaking up the sun and frolicking at the beach with three local kids + a monkey girl we met after having our sponge-sea weed fight, we felt the sting of UV and decided to pack up. As expected, Ynna got her “tan” which was basically indigo when compared to the colors of the rainbow; Sarah was like pot roast and siyempre I too got my unwanted tan color.

'Manong Projectile' arrived at around 4 to pick us up, just in time for the last trip of Mhel-Bhen bus back to Dagupan. It is now wednesday and my skin hurts like hell... "Nampuga! Ang itim ko na POTAH!" Come to think of it, I kinda look like my fil-am cousins who struts with their golden brown skins... ASTEEG! (wishful thinking!) All in all it was 'Fun-Fun-Fun!' I can't wait to go back to Bolinao and hopefully with Nyx and Tina. Packshet! Ang itim ko na talaga... thank God Ynna is far more itim than I am.-

i agree-

2005-04-26T17:42:00.000+08:00

Global Personality Test Results

Extraversion 76%
Stability 16%
Orderliness 53%
Empathy 76%
Interdependence 63%
Intellectual 76%
Mystical 63%
Artistic 83%
Religious 90%
Hedonism 83%
Materialism 90%
Narcissism 56%
Adventurousness 90%
Work ethic 70%
Self absorbed 76%
Conflict seeking 56%
Need to dominate 56%
Romantic 90%
Avoidant 56%
Anti-authority 56%
Wealth 50%
Dependency 83%
Change averse 30%
Cautiousness 76%
Individuality 90%
Sexuality 63%
Peter pan complex 56%
Physical security 43%
Food indulgent 10%
Histrionic 50%
Paranoia 50%
Vanity 83%
Hypersensitivity 76%
Female cliche 50%

Stability results were very low which suggests you are extremely worrying, insecure, emotional, and anxious.

Orderliness results were medium which suggests you are moderately organized, hard working, and reliable while still remaining flexible, efficient, and fun.

Extraversion results were high which suggests you are overly talkative, outgoing, sociable and interacting at the expense too often of developing your own individual interests and internally based identity.

trait snapshot:
open, tough, irritable, worrying, does not like to be alone, craves attention, low self control, emotionally sensitive, interacting, sad, very social, aggressive, prefer organized to unpredictable, dependent, social chameleon, suspicious, values the heart over the mind, likes large parties, outgoing, likes to make fun, likes to fit in, mildly phobic, vain, makes friends easily, enjoys leadership, clingy, rash

Mi Amor

2005-04-08T13:11:00.000+08:00

I know a girl
Who held the stars in her hand
Grasping eternity
and holding on to her salvation.
She stumbled and fell flat on her face
She stumbled once and hit rock bottom.

I know a girl
Who lived under the shallow waters
of her profound insanity
She kept every memory to herself
and to the angel she whispered.
She stumbled twice
and wept with tears, never ending.

I know a girl
Who grew her hair along with her patience
She danced with strangers,
and I envied her everytime she left.
She stumbled once more,
thrice and still counting
never getting up and never forgetting.

So much for the girl I once knew.

Quotes & Notes: Halle Berry

2005-04-06T16:04:00.000+08:00

"take in criticism in order for you to be praised.."

Quotes & Notes: Special " The Omnipotent Oliver Willis" Edition

2005-03-07T20:24:00.000+08:00

George Bush sent them to die. The sad thing is, their sacrifice is in the service of NOTHING.

Resume

2005-03-07T19:56:00.000+08:00

My Qualifications to date...

Graduate in Associate in Science and Health Education
YFC has been that never was
Certified Transferee for the past 3 years
Part-time Male Nanny and all around House Sitter
Anti-Social
Psycho diagnosed with:
1. Mild Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD)
2. Moderate Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD)
3. Severe Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OC) and
4. Schizophrenia Differentiated type

the stuff that's real ...

Credits I can...

make a good omelette
paint
count to 10 in 4 languages
cross stitch
fry perfect eggs
put up a good argument
use a map
write backwards/ upsidedown
use chopsticks
say 'I love you' in Welsh
write poetry
go out alone
make Faces

Debits... I can't...

grow all my nails
use Yahoo
be patient
sleep through the night
avoid arguing with my dad
stop hoarding
organise my day
do math
remember names and dates
save...

but seriously, who really cares... love me or hate me...I am ME. Warts and all.

update

2005-03-07T19:43:00.000+08:00

Its official. A new season has started and I couldnt be any happier. A little update from my so-called life...

After months of struggling I'm now on my senior year as a student nurse Hoorah! No drastic physical changes for me though... still smokin' my ass off and I'm still 5 feet tall and skinnier than ever. My hair still sucks but it's all good. Haha! Two of the most amazing people I know will graduate this month and I'm oh so proud. Sare-ee, goodbye UST and hello "Dean Terrads!"- My Rome-ee, I love you and you know I miss your ass whoopin'- cHacHing is on its 11th year and yes, we're not sick and tired of our same'ol same'ol "fu-jugly faces". Nyx, if you're reading this you need to buy a new phone! Mommy Turt, sorry for ignoring you for the past four months but you knowI love your fine ass. *wink*

and then...

pause....

can't think of anything to say and I'm crumbling before you so can I just end it here?! -fart... oops!

... still bitter sweet

2005-02-20T16:07:00.000+08:00

This I got from a friend of nyx' blog who in turn got it from a friend's blog.

1. What did you do in 2004 that you'd never done before?
tough one... hmm... oh yah i saw nyx' play for the 1st time harhar!

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
as usual... i smoked another cigarette the day after I promised myself never again will I light another cig! Darn it!

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
...hmmm, not that im aware... wla yata?!? i think?!

4. Did anyone close to you die?
my grandpa... i love you daddy!

5. What countries did you visit?
yikes! no visa for me as of the moment.

6. What would you like to have in 2005 that you lacked in 2004?
money.

7. What date from 2004 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
April 28. My moms birthday and my grandpa died that day too..

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
passing my ncm101! YEY!

9. What was your biggest failure?
cant think of anything as of the moment-

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
None that I could remember

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Off the Rack Vintage Vans Sneaks... i've been planning to buy me a pair for the past 2 years I finally have one.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
My mom, for being just super last year

13. Whose behaviour appalled you and made you depressed?
My dad... he's drivin' me nuts everytime he's not in the mood

14. Where did most of your money go?
Uhm... do I really have to answer this? food, yosi, tuition... the list goes on and on and on....

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
seeing my"old friends", especially nyx' during my affiliation

16. What song will always remind you of 2004?
... favorite things from the sound of music...

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? sadder
ii. thinner or fatter? thinner
iii. richer or poorer? way poorer

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
study... i think!?-

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Smoking

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
no clue-

22. Did you fall in love in 2004?
unfortunately I'm still single!

23. How many one-night stands?
None... hahahaha :)

24. What was your favourite TV program?
for 2004?!? sex and the city season 5

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
YES!!!!

26. What were the best books or comics you read?
I just hate books-

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Imago! ynna thanx for lending me that cd it was SO worth it!

28. What did you want and got?
independence- *boink*

29. What did you want and not get?
a new phone

30. Favorite film of the year?
hmmm.. i dont know.... shark tale? haha!

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
im a pretty boring person... i stayed home and did nuthin'....20

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
-do I really have to answer this?

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2004?
everything rasta slash laid back and dirty "i dont like to shower" look- *wink*

34. What kept you sane?
My mom

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Gwen Stefani and Adam Levine of Maroon5

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
None... honest.

37. Who did you miss?
my mom and cHacHing

38. Who was the best new person you met?
Cathy Coloma!

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2004.
you'll never know who your real friends are till you fall flat face on the ground

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
"Yes, I'm groundedGot my wings clippedI'm surrounded by all this pavement..guess I'll circle while I'm waiting for my fears to dry...Someday I'll fly. Someday I'll soar. Someday I'll be something much more cause I'm bigger than my body gives me credit for..."

Temptations

2005-02-17T01:06:00.000+08:00

just another thursday night

same old faces staring at the empty

spaces between my toes

I lie awake alone in my bed

flashes of my supposed to be

"significant other"

keeping my self afloat with my feet

underground

my fantasies of unwanted pleasure

sneaks up on me

leaviing blots of red and blue

I keep track of events that eventually

turns into vague images then to memories

just thoughts on a thursday night

never again revisited

10 thank you's from an old friend

2005-02-05T23:53:00.000+08:00

dear old friend;

How are you doing? Its been a while since we last saw each other. Never a day goes by that I do not think of you and the wonderful memories we've shared. I have missed you so much. I miss having coffee with you. I miss our long talks and especially miss our countless spur of the moment adventures. Why cant we just go back to where we once were? Why cant we just stay insane and be moronic like we always do?

It breaks my heart to see "us" fall apart and it saddens me how we go on with our lives without each other in it. You always told me that we have to live our lives separately sooner or later but i never thought that your sooner is today. I guess I never saw that one coming.

I want to take this latitude to also say thank you. I know I've said it one to many times and maybe you're getting tired of hearing it. Why is this one any different you might ask, guess this time I really mean it.

Thank you for making me laugh and unknowingly making me cry.
Thank you for always trying to be there when I needed you the most and at times when im faking it.
Thank you for sticking up for me even when you know I'm pointless.
Thank you for the hordes of fun whenever I'm bleak and worst when I'm deranged.
Thank you for putting up with all my drama
Thank you for making me that scarf eventhough its too gay for me to wear in public.
Thank you for treasuring our friendship.
Thank you for teaching me how to hold my head up high.
Thank you for simply giving a damn whenever I dont.
Thank you for giving me hope and yes, for being my strength.

I could go on all night but I have to end it somewhere before I get all sissy and sentimental and start to burst in luscious "fruitty" flavors. Antz, Rony, Gada or Argel, I promised my self that never again will I be jealous because I know that what we have is special. I know we'll still be friends after this and that this is just me growing up. I want you to know that I love you and that I'll always love you nonetheless. Again, thanks for everything. Old friend-

factory defect

2005-01-13T18:23:00.000+08:00

1993.

Hindi ba nakakainis kapag meron kang bagong gamit sobrang excited ka gamitin ito tapos pagkadating mo ng bahay makikita mo na lang...PUMYEMA!!! may sira ang puta!

Factory defect ang kadalasan dahilan na sinasabi sa akin ng kuya ko tuwing nangyayari sa akin iyon. Masasabi kong hindi makatarungan ang pagkakaroon ng gamit na may factory defect pero sino naman ang aking pwedeng sisihin?

Kabaligtaran naman ng factory defect sa gamit, hindi raw normal ang isang pamilya kapag wala raw itong depekto. Sa bagay, halos lahat ng kakilala ko e may sayad rin ng kaunti ang pamilya. Wala rin namang perpektong tao, pamilya pa kaya???

Madalas maikwento sa akin ng aking ina ang mga napagdaanan nilang magasawa noong nagsisimula pa lamang sila. Ako naman, nagkukunwaring di ko maalala ang lahat ng kanyang kwento pero ang totoo... parang kahapon lang nangyari ang lahat.

Karaniwan na ang sigawan at away ng aking mga magulang sa loob ng bahay. Awa ng Diyos, di pa naman sila gumagawa ng iskandalo sa labas ng aming tahanan. Siyam na taong gulang ako nang masaksihan ko ang unang pinakagrabeng away ng aking mga magulang. Tseke ang pinagmulan ng gulo. Mahimbing kaming natutulog noon ng aking mga kapatid nang magising kami sa ingay ng bunganga ng aking ama. Ratatatatat... 'stig! parang machine gun ang bibig nilang mag-asawa. May hinahanap na tseke ang taty ko noon at pinagbibintangan niya ang aking ina na kumuha nito. Ginamit raw ni mama pang-shoppin. Ewan ko ba, pwede naman niya ito hanapin at tanongin ang aking ina sa mahinahon na pamamaraan. Noong gabing iyon, nagamit na yata ng aking ama at ina ang lahat na masasamang salita na naimbento ng tao. "Shit ka!"... "Ulol!"...Lumalala nang lumala ang eksena. Daig pa ang laban ni Darna at ang Babaeng Ahas. nagkulong ang nanay ko sa banyo---sinisipa naman ng tatay ko ang pinto. CRACK! ayun, wasak ang pinto. Makalipas ang ilang oras napuno rin ang nanay ko. Wala pang limang minuto, nakapagimpake na kaming magkakapatid at lumayas na kami ng bahay. Tumuloy kami noon sa bahay ng aking tiyahin, at parang isang pelikula, nagiyakan silang magkapatid. Lumipas ang ilang araw , bati na ang aking ama't ina. Balikan! Parang Sharon Cuneta at Gabby Concepcion ang love story... Nakita kasi ng tatay ko na nailagay pala niya ang nawawalang tseke sa cashbox. leche!

Maraming beses pa naulit ang mga ganitong eksena sa pamilya ko. Iba't ibang rason ng away, lalayas kami, makalipas ang ilang araw uuwing muli. Minsan, nakukuha kong sisihin ang Diyos kung bakit ako nagkaroon ng ganitong klaseng pamilya.Pero tulad nga ng isang factory defect sa gamit, wala kang pwedeng ibang sisihin. Maaaring di mo ito gusto, pero pagtiyatiyagaan at tatanggapin mo rin lang sa bandang huli.

artistahin

2005-01-10T01:29:00.000+08:00

1992.

Lotlot- Tuesday Group. Tina Paner- Monday Group. Romnick at Sheryl Cruz- Friday Group. Kung "That's Entertainment!" ang iniisip mo, TUMPAK!

Naalala mo pa ba ang panahon ng "dats!" at ang infamous at walang kakupas-kupas na Kuya Germs ng 1980's? Ako? di ko na maalala kung kelan nagsimula ang Dats, pero tandang tanda ko pa noong una ko itong mapanood. Sa isang batang probinsyano katulad ko kasi, hanggang pangarap na lamang ang maging isang artista na hinahangaan ng lahat... kahit makakita man lang ng artista, suntok sa buwan na lamang.

Ilang beses na rin akong umasa na balang araw titingalaain rin ako tulad ng mga sikat na batang artista sa pelikula. Daydream dito... daydream doon, di namamalayan na papalapit na ang pagkakataon kong sumikat at maging parte ng isang show.

Napagdecisionan ng school board at a tulong ng music teacher ng school na gumawa ng isang maliit na production para sa nalalapit nitong foundation day. Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs ang napili nilang gawan ng play. Ayos! pagkakataon ko nang sumikat! Sympre gusto ko ako ang Prince Charming! ang crush ko kasi na nasa grade 6 ang napiling snow white. Sympre, dahil ako'y nasa grade 2 lamang noong mga panahon na iyon, di hamak na ako'y napakabata pa at sobrang liit para maging Prince Charming. Minalas! Dwarf ang bagsak ko... at di lang basta dwarf... ako ang napili na gumanap bilang Dopey. "Dopey?! di ba yun iyong tangang dwende!?!" Oks na rin, paulit-ulit kasi sinabi sa amin ng musical director namin na "There are no small parts in this play, only small actors"...ako yung small actor.

Gabi ng play: "It's showtime!" kabado ang lahat. Sa unang pagkakataon naintindihan ko na rin kung ano ang ibig sabihin ng "butterflies in your stomach". Lumipas ang ilang oras at natapos rin ang show. Success! Ang hirap rin pala magperform sa harap ng maraming tao. Di biro ang kailangan mong pagdaanan makapapaligaya lang ng tao. Ewan ko lang ha, pero tuwing nanonood kasi ako ng Dats, e parang sisiw lang magtanghal. Chicken!... pero di rin pala. Pinanood ako ng aking buong pamilya noong araw na iyon. "i'm so proud of you!" wika ng aking ina. Di ko maihaling tulad ang pakiramdam ko noong sinabi niya saakin iyon. nakita ko kasi sa kanya noong araw na iyon na ipinagmalaki nga ako ng aking nanay.

Instant celebrity ako pagkatapos ng play. Lumipas rin ang mga araw, unti-unti na rin nawala ang pagkabighani ko sa dats at ang pangarap ko maging isang tanyag na artista. Hindi dahil sa naranasan ko na kung papaano maging isang artista, pero dahil naisip ko na hindi mo naman kailangan maging isang artista para ika'y hangaan ng madla. Mapasaya mo lang ang mga mahal mo sa buhay at sabihin nilang ipinagmamalaki ka nila...artistahin na! na-"chicken" ang dats!

math-tinik

2005-01-08T18:08:00.000+08:00

1991.

Unang baitang. Kakagraduate ko lamang sa prep at laking tuwa ko na tapos na ang maliligayang araw ng aking guro na si teacher lyn sa kakakain ng baon na tapa at hotdog tuwing recess. YES! Goodbye ba-ba black sheep at i'm a little tea pot at hello sibika at cultura at ibang subject na matagal ko nanag gusto mapagaralan.

Unang araw ko sa klase at di maipinta ang aking mukha sa pagka-exited sa mg bagong pwede kong gawin. Sa wakas gradeschool na ko! bibigyan na ko ng allowance ngayon at pwede na ko bumili ng tsitsirya sa canteen. Wala nang tapa at hotdog at pwede na ko kumain ng Pee-wee at Chiz-It!

Taliwas sa aking inaasahan, masmahirap pala ang maging grade 1. Sabi kasi ng aking kuya na parang prep pa rin ang grade 1, dinadagdagan lang ng konti ang mga pinagaaralan. Dinadagdagan my ass! Hindi kaya. Bwisit na kuya kong iyon! Dinadagdagan lang daw ng konti e ang dami kayang dinadagdag! Ang dating plus at minus e maspinahirap na. May times at debaydedbay pa. Leche, Sakit ng ulo! Dahil nga sadyang mahina ako sa math, pilit sinasaksak ng aking ina gabi-gabi ang times table flash cards na ginawa nya sa kokote ko.

Sa kabila ng lahat, meron rin naman akong natutunan sa math kahit papaano. Hindi sinasadya, pero may natutunan ako. Peksman! 8x7=...ano nga nga uli???

galis aso

2005-01-07T22:18:00.000+08:00

1990.

nangyari na ba sa iyo minsan yung bigla mo na lang masasabi sa iyong sarili na ika'y naiiba sa ibang tao? kung ako ang tatanongin, "I get that feeling all the time!" Naks! spokening dollar! maaga akong namulat sa katotohanan na ako'y kakaiba. Kakaiba hindi dahil weirdo ako o ano pero kakaiba na espesyal.

Anim na taong gulang pa lang ako napansin na ng aking mga magulang na ako'y di tulad ng ibang mga bata. Habang ang kuya ko kasi ay nakikipaglaro ng baril-barilan sa aming mga batang kapitbahay, ako naman ay magisang nawiwili sa paglalaro ng G.I.Joe at Jigsaw Puzzles. Ewan ko lang ha, hindi ko kasi makita kung nasaan ang saya sa paglalaro ng baril-barilan e kung pwede ka naman maglaro ng maliliit na tau-tauhan gamit ang iyong imahinasyon at thirst for world domination.

Hindi lang naman sa paglalaro ng G.I.Joe ko napansin ang kaibahan ko sa ibang mga bata...Hello!? ang babaw naman siguro noon diba? Dahil nga hindi ako nahilig sa mga outdoor sports at rambol kasalamuha ang ibang mga bata, madalas akong tuksohing binabae. Hindi raw kasi gawain ng isang normal na batang lalake ang di mahilig sa mga gawaing ginagamitan ng physical strength at 'sang baldeng pawis. Noong una, madalas ko iyakan ang mga bagay na ganoon, siguro marahil masakit ang katotohanan o sadyang masakit lang talaga manukso ang kapitbahay naming napuno na ng galis sa kalalaro sa maruming kanal sa likuran ng aming bahay.

Lumipas ang mga taon at nagsawa na rin ako sa kaiiyak sa mga bagay na sabi nga ng aking ina ay di dapat pinagtutuunan ng pansin. Siguro nasanay na lang ako sa panunukso ng mundo... o dahil siguro lumipat kami ng bahay at di ko na nakita pa ang galisin naming kapitbahay.

panimula

2005-01-06T22:23:00.000+08:00

"DUDUN! tama na iyang laro kakain na!" iyan ang kadalasang sigaw ng aking ina sa kalagitnaan ng aking paglalaro kung saan malapi na ko sa climax ng aking ligaya. Ops!iba yata iniisip mo? o dahil pangit lang yata pakinggan ang pagkakasabi ko ng aking panimula. Mahilig ako maglaro ng maliliit na tau_tauhan noong bata kaya bawat laro ko e ginagawan ko nang istorya ang bawat tauha...syempre, sa bawat istorya, may simula, "climax" at wakas.

Ipinanganak ako sa isang maliit na bayan apat na oras ang layo sa maynila. Pangalawa sa apat na magkakapatid, ang nanay ko'y nagtratrabaho sa aming maliit na parmasya habang may ari naman ng isang construction firm ang aking ama. Masarap mamuhay sa probinsya, malinis ang hangin, sariwa ang mga gulay at prutas at ang mga bata ay malayang nakapaglalaro ng walang takot na may masamang pwedeng mangyari sa kanila. Sa isang maliit na paupahan likod ng aming parmasya kami noon nakatira. Isang malaking silid kung saan nandoon na ang salas at tulugan sa iisang lugar, "studio type" type" ika nga nila Maaga kinasal ang aking mga magulang kaya wala pa kaming sariling lupa at bahay noon, sabi nga ng aking ama "magiipon muna tayo mga anak saka tayo bibili ng ating sariling bahay".

Sa loob ng pitong taon, limang beses nagdalang tao ang nanay ko, ang sumunod sa akin na kapatid ko yumaon at nakunan naman siya pagkatapos noon. Nagtatanong ka siguro ngayon bakit sinabi kong apat kaming magkakapatid e nawala naman yung dalawa. Nag-adopt kasi ang aking mga magulang noong ako'y na sa highschool na kaya apat na uli kami magkakapatid. Ayaw ko naman sabihin na "nag-ampon" kami dahil masyado naman yata brutal yung salitang yun para sa aking kapatid kaya "nag-adopt" na lang para mas-sosi.

Lumipas ang mga taon at marami na rin akong napagdaanan at ang aking pamilya. Minsan masaklap ang buhay at sa mga di sinasadyang pagkakataon nakukuha ko pa rin ngumiti---

irony of things

2005-01-06T22:00:00.000+08:00

had a very shitty day---dont know why... hey, maybe because its thursday. i was walking home from school and all of a sudden it hit me..i dont have to be "chaching" addicted just so i can say im happy! it was fun while it lasted and i will be forever greatful for everything. i love the four of you so much! thanx! finally im cHacHing free! YEY! ironic, first time im happy and i dont have to celebrate it with you guys-

im returning all your letters-

2005-01-06T21:25:00.000+08:00

tina, 01/04/2005:
JUNAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i so miss giving you testi....miss you
more that ever!
luvyah!
take care!

tina, 10/28/2004:
who loves my baby joe? i do!!!!!!!
luvyah BABY!!! mmwwwwaaaah!!!!
(sloppy kiss) hehehe

Ynna, 09/19/2004:
three unforgetable events in our lives: (1)
dos cas days: i left the bathroom, a few
hours later you went in, and what have
you found?! tahdah! my napkin full of
bl**d tidbits! and because your a
dumbass and you love me you picked it
up and licked it! *kidding* you ditched it
in the trash bin. (2) when my dad went
to heaven: you were there beside me...
and i love you even more for that! (3)
when i got my car: still don't know how
to drive so one day you went home with
me after hanging out... taught me how to
drive... oh! and because youre a sucky
driver and im a sucky student... BAM!
my car's first dent!

Ynna, 09/19/2004:
im missin you more and more each day.

Ynna, 09/18/2004:
hey you dork! i'm so sorry for being a
snob. it's just that i have so many things
in my head lately, school stuff, dramas
about myself(as always), pom problems
the list goes on and on... you know what
i mean! i'm the queen and your my
drama princess. oh well. i miss you so
much. i hope you know that. i love you.
and we'll see each other soon...

bubbleBathBoi, 09/17/2004:
joe i miss ur blad head... wen will i see
ur bald head?... wen will i drink and play
with ur bald head... be bald again...
haaaay... miss u! joekotoh'

tina, 09/17/2004:
i just cant stop loving you....

SaReE, 09/16/2004:
I miss having coffee and "sigarets"
(wink-wink) with this schmoe... Hehe it
rhymes with joe... joe...schmoe...
anyway... u know that this testi will end
up being stupid, useless and shit... pero
wla lang just for you joe... u know that we
juz love writing crap to each other...
hehe... miss yah so joe... oh see it
rhymes again.. so...joe... buwahaha...
what a load of crap this is... and i'm
loving it... =) mwah-mwah, kisses... =)

tina, 08/29/2004:
hey! stop messin' up my
testimonials...people might believe
the "queen bee" crap you wrote!
hehehehe joke(like i care)..you know i
love you more!mwah! missing you more!

tina, 08/21/2004:
i miss you...there's no othere way to say
it..and i cant deny it..i miss you...i miss
you..it so easy to see...i miss you and
me...

SaReE, 07/26/2004:
Finally, here's a testi for you joe..
Pano ba naman, "tampo-rurots" na ang
drama princess, mas na-una ko pa daw
nagawan ng testi ang faye.. Oh wel..
Joe is my bestest friend. We've been
friends since our elementary days..
That's almost 10 years of grueling,
funnest, happiest, saddest, and
whatever adjective you could think of
can actually describe the friendship we
have. It's like we've been friends for
ages... We've been through a lot of
great and mostly crappy things.. I
dunno what could've happened to moi, if
ever this "pretty prosit" didn't come
into my life. As if he's a part of me,
that makes me complete, keeps me
ticking, and gives me a reason to wake-
up each morning... Wehh, CHACHING!!! No
kidding, no shit whatsoever.. Totoo
lahat sinabi ko...Wuv yah joe! I heart
you-->(this must have been my cheeziest
remark ever) Mwah-mwah.. Kisses! =)

tina, 06/24/2004:
hey BABY! the guy who never
forgets...loves to make me feel
beautiful..and hangs there for support
anytime i need him! a simple "Hi!"
makes my day and gives color to a sad
and crappy day!..we're such lame people
by ourselves but when we're
together...we'd laugh as loud as we
can..WHO CARES!

DUDE! you're more than a good friend!
you're THE BEST friend EVER!

hope this makes you smile....BABY TURT!
mmmwaaahh! love you!

cHacHing, 06/12/2004:
Raindrops on roses and whiskers on
kittens Bright copper kettles and warm
woolen mittens Brown paper packages
tied up with strings These are a few of
my favorite things Cream colored ponies
and crisp apple strudels Doorbells and
sleighbells And schnitzel with noodles
Wild geese that fly with the moon on
their wings These are a few of my
favorite things Girls in white dresses
with blue satin sashes Snowflakes that
stay on my nose and eyelashes Silver
white winter that melts into spring
These are a few of my favorite things
When the dog bites When the bee stings
When I'm feeling sad I simply remember
my favorite things And then I don't
feel...so bad

tina, 04/30/2004:
luv yahh SOoOoOoooOooOOOoooOO much BABY
TURT!!!! mmwwwwaahhh!!!

bubbleBathBoi, 04/15/2004:
kalbo man or may buhok... benta pa rin
si joe kahit kanino. Parehas kaming
head turners... So just feel lucky that
ur frends with joe (and me) cuz good
looking people are hard to come by
nowadays. JOE! Love ko to' haha

Ynna, 01/07/2004:
joe is the sweetest guy in the whole
world. he's so sensitive that you might
think his a queer boy... but yes he is
a queer boy! kidding *wink* i love you.
we've been through a hell lot! as in,
we even lived together before, so we
know each other so well na as in. he is
a coward so i can easily make him do
stuffs. that's why i love you so much.
and he even dedicated his first s**w
b**w to me... isn't that sweet?!=)

tina, 11/29/2003:
baby hoe! uhh joe pala...this hot guy
ryt herre is one of my good friends...a
GREAT DANCER(ata...ewan ko! maarte kasi
ayaw sumayaw in public!)ARTISTIC,
SWEET, SEXY, SARCASTIC, SIMPLE,
SOCIABLE, SOMETHING SOMETHING! hihihih
(",)but one thing i love about
him...he's sOOOOOoooOOOOOoooo
LOVING...one true friend! he can make
you feel beautiful,needed, and
loved...whenever we're together parang
ang bilis ng oras! kainis noh?! noh?!
we've been friends for GOD knows how
long...and you're someone i'd surely
want to spend my life with..?!(did i
say it ryt?mali ata...basta it sounded
good sa ears ko eh)...hihihihi...you
get my point, ryt? we'd still be
friends kahit sobrang old na tau...no
matter how far we are...i'll be here if
you need a pillow...hehehe mishu cuz!
oh and before i end this, did i mention
that he's SOMETHING...what was i
planning to say? kalimutan ko na..cge
next testi nlng uli...LUVYAH!!!

thursdays with joey

2004-12-09T23:54:00.000+08:00

just another thursday night
same old faces
staring at the empty spaces between my toes
i lie awake alone in my bed
flashes of my supposed to be
significant other
keeping myself afloat
with my feet underground
my fantasies of unwanted pleasure
sneaks up on me
leaving blots of red and blue
i keep track of events that eventually
turns into memories
just thoughts never again revisited